Pregnancy is a time of many things. Joy, peace, wonderment, angst, and so many other emotions rolled into one. What it is also, is a time of realization that people have no filter. And say stupid shit. Why people feel the need to be unabashedly candid while speaking to a pregnant woman is beyond me. Below is a top 25 list of things NOT to say to a pregnant woman:
1. You’re SOOOOO big!
2. Are you having twins?
3. Why would you find out what you’re having? Life’s greatest surprise; ruined.
4. How do you not want to know what you’re having?! (Followed by: I could NEVER do that. I would NEED to know.)
5. Heard those hemorrhoids are a bitch.
6. So it’s true: daughters do steal their mother’s beauty.
7. Two under two. That’s going to be torture. You’re never going to have time for both.
8. Say goodbye to your body! Say goodbye to sex! Say goodbye to time for yourself! Say goodbye to your life! <Etc.>
9. I tore from my vagina to my asshole. I still can’t sit right.
10. What if your epidural doesn’t work? You’ll be able to feel everything.
11. How are you going to lose all this weight once the baby is born?
12. You’re barely showing. Are the doctor’s concerned? You need to eat more.
13. You’re having a natural delivery? You’re insane.
14. You’re getting pain meds during delivery? I heard they damage your baby.
15. You’re going to breastfeed your baby boy? Gross. Aren’t you worried he will be obsessed with breasts?
16. You’re going to poison your baby with formula? Don’t you know breast is best?
17. Breastfeeding is torture. Just use formula, save yourself the trouble.
18. Where is he/she? I’m so sick of waiting! Come on out (spoken to stomach or, for the really self-UNaware, vagina)!!
19. You’re naming him/her ____ (insert literally ANY name)?!?! Oh, I knew a ____. Total meth head. I’m sure your baby won’t turn into a meth head, though.
20. OMG you look bigger and bigger every time I see you! That baby must be running out of room in there!
21. Sorry, I forgot you can’t drink. I feel so bad for you.
22. You just look so exhausted. I’ve never seen you look so tired.
23. When I was pregnant… (insert unwanted story about how that person did something better than you).
24. You’re going to eat your PLACENTA?! That’s so gross. You’re like a cannibal.
25. You’ve really filled out everywhere this pregnancy.
In conclusion, unless you have something positive to say, PLEASE keep it to yourself. Chances are she has answered the same questions 29,845,729,845 times, and, if you’re a stranger, she doesn’t want to talk to you.
Please feel free to comment below with your “favorite” unwanted comment you received during your pregnancy.
Publisher’s note: the idea to write this blog post came to me after seeing a series of snapchats from laurmcbrideblog (that’s her snap personality if you want to follow her, and her blog is here) of stupid shit people had said to her just that day. Originally, the post had started with the top 10, but after reaching out to a few previous and current clients, the list grew rapidly.