Infertility – Our Struggle Part II…Back When it was all Fun and Bedroom Games

When I started this miniseries, I promised to write our story. And this is a very intimate look at the beginning of our struggle when it was very exciting…and racy. So, if you don’t want to know about this part of it, then stop reading. Like now ūüôā

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I have wanted babies as long as I can remember. When I was younger and people asked what I wanted to be¬†when I grew up, my response was “a mommy” (or a housewife hehe¬†ūüôā ). So, shortly after our honeymoon (in July 2010)¬†I came off of¬†“the pill” – which I had been on since middle school (for medical, girly reasons). I knew that it takes some women a long time for their bodies to adjust after stopping the pill, and I wanted my body to be¬†ready as soon as my husband was. At this time I also¬†began taking prenatal vitamins, as my mom told me that every woman of childbearing age should be taking them.

In February 2011 Jimmy said that he was ready to “pull the goalie”. OH. HOT. DAMN!! I remember the excitement we both felt the first couple of months. I remember wondering “was that the time?” “could I really be pregnant?” “will I know right away?”. It was an amazing time for us as a couple, too. If I ever felt sick or tired¬†Jimmy would do things like raise his eyebrows and point to my belly. Or say the names we have picked out for our children. Or tell me he “gave me the good stuff”. Or, on our walks to the park, he would say he couldn’t wait for when he would be holding Monte (our dog’s) leash while I push a baby carriage. Or tell me it might be my last glass for a looooong¬†time if I had wine with dinner. It was a great time to be in the “honeymoon stage” of our marriage; we were enjoying¬†every moment while thinking fondly of our future.

I also remember during this time the “when are you going to have babies?” question not bothering me. I would smile and say “sometime soon!” or something of the sort. I was also very excited when other people announced their pregnancies! Jimmy and I would talk about sending our children to school together, or going on play dates, and enjoying…or hating…pregnancy together (with said couples).

Then, in the beginning of the summer of 2011, I did the worst thing I could do; I let fear enter¬†into the equation. I decided that I didn’t know enough about my cycle, fertility, eating habits, sperm counts, sex positions, homeopathic remedies, and the list goes on and on and on. I set out to understand everything I could about conceiving a child.

At this point, I was already blown away by the fact that we hadn’t yet conceived. Those nagging questions of: “how can we have had this much¬†unprotected sex and not gotten pregnant?”, “what are we doing wrong?”, “is there something wrong with me? with Jimmy?” began racing through my head. Every. Day.¬†And, like I said before, I knew that it takes some women up to a year to adjust after taking birth control, but I also knew women who had gotten pregnant their first month off of it. As more fear and confusion entered, I realized that I was losing the happiness and eager anticipation I¬†had¬†enjoyed for so long.¬†These negative¬†thoughts then lead to the next phase of our struggle: the obsession.

4 thoughts on “Infertility – Our Struggle Part II…Back When it was all Fun and Bedroom Games

  1. Melissa

    I remember being one of those people back in high school that would ask what you wanted to be when you grew up. As hard as all of this is, please don’t forget that you ‘haven’t grown up yet’. I don’t mean to imply any negative connotation with that and in fact, I mean the complete opposite. Ever since I have known you, you have always demonstrated the nurturing qualities that, in my eyes, represent a mom. You have the passion for all things baby, care more about others than you do yourself, always stay strong during times that are tough, and have that glow about you when you share exciting client news (with permission of course). You are meant to be a mom. And although it is extremely frustrating that it hasn’t happened yet, it will. Thank you for letting us all be a part of your journey. Those babies (yes, multiple), are going to have a lot of friends and family in their lives. Love you <3

    1. maryc Post author

      Thank you for your never-ending support, Melissa! I know that when it is our time, our baby will certainly be surrounded by love <3


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